My word, son! Is that glue? No, no, I know its pizza sauce - I watched you slather it on with the back of your grimy paw. It just seems as though its undergone chemical bonding with the perpetual pool of snot you keep under your nose. By the way, you are the only guy I know who wipes his nose from ear to ear - do you think we could work on that? I do not recall putting any gel in your hair, and I'm fairly certain I just found a booger in your sideburns.
Anyway, I'm running out of ideas and paper towels quickly. We've gone through at least six, and your chubby cheeks are still nowhere in sight. I'm pretty sure Comet would do the trick, but I think I drew blood with the S.O.S. pad, so mommy's giving me the red light. I don't know why because she's the only reason we're still doing this after half an hour of torture. Daddy thinks you can just deal with it.
We're just gonna go through the same thing again tomorrow.
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